Why we need to be bored
“I’m bored,” my children will often say to me.
My go-to response used to be: “Only boring people get bored.”
That didn’t change anything.
So I switched to the coaching approach: “What are you going to do about it?”
Nothing… except frustrated, angry kids.
Now, we’ve come to some different approaches. The first, the kids and I created together: every time they say they’re bored, they lose 30 minute of device time. And every time I swear, I lose 30 minutes of device time.
They’re doing better than I am.
It’s mostly effective, but not entirely foolproof. So when they do tell me they’re bored, my response now?
“Good.”
And that’s it.
Boredom and brilliance
The reason I’m good with my children being bored? I’ve been reminded of the power of boredom. I watched Manoush Zomorodi’s TED Talk on how boredom can lead to your most brilliant ideas. (You can watch it here.)
When I watched that talk, I realised something: while my kids are often ‘bored’, I never am. And that’s not a good thing.
The curse of the doer
I went to a high school where achievement was a big thing. I came of working age at a time when productivity and achievement was a big thing. Couple that with a natural tendency to push myself really hard – something I see in a lot of my fellow highly sensitive humans and empathic beings – and it was a recipe for non-stop hamster-wheelin’ through life.
I fell prey to the story that constant doing = achievement = success.
I believed that I must fill every moment of my time in order to ‘keep up’ – that if I didn’t, I’d fall behind all the other achievers out there.
Doing… and burnout
The reality? Constant doing leads to burnout. It leads to shredded adrenals and contorted cortisol levels.
How do I know? Because I’ve lived it. I’ve seen the cold, hard evidence in my medical reports. Adrenal fatigue, cortisol misfiring. Not to mention the physical symptoms: exhaustion, and a skewed stress response that flared at the smallest discomfort.
Now, I still fall back on those old patterns from time to time. I have weeks where I fill every minute of my time, and by the weekend, I feel pulled as taut as a barbed-wire fence. I can’t write or create in that state: my well feels like it’s run dry. To borrow Zomorodi’s word, I feel “barren.”
What happens when you let yourself get bored
Contrast this with making space to do nothing except snuggle up in bed with a book or a journal, or to sit and stare at birds and trees over a cup of coffee.
In the moment, big emotions can come to the surface. It can feel uncomfortable. And I think that’s another reason why we sometimes avoid boredom: because we’re afraid of what we’ll feel if we give ourselves the space. Hell, we’re afraid of actually feeling at all. Numbing out is so much more appealing in the moment.
But not feeling our emotions has long-term health consequences. Studies such as this one have shown that emotional awareness and taking steps to regulate our emotions supports better physical and mental health. Whereas ignoring them and repressing them can lead to chronic stress, cardiovascular diseases, and much more.
Aside from the health benefits that come when we give ourselves (and our emotions) space, there are myriad creative benefits.
Studies have shown that boredom helps us form new neural connections, come up with ideas, and find innovative solutions to problems. Click here to explore Sandi Mann and Rebekah Cadman’s 2013 research on boredom. Or you can do a deep-dive into boredom in Out of My Skull, James Danckert and John D. Eastwood’s book about the psychology of boredom.
My own experience corroborates this: in the hours and days after I give myself this space, ideas come through that light me up. This is when the words flow like rivers. When I’ve given myself space, I’m able to show up for my coaching clients in a way that feels next-level.
Now, Zomorodi’s TED Talk isn’t new. And nor is the research. You might even say, “I knew this already,” and you probably do.
But have you actually taken what you know and done something about it? Have you actually put down your phone and taken the time to be bored? My guess is… no.
My invitation to you, then, is this: put down the phone. Stop multi-tasking. And get busy getting bored. Here are some tips for helping you stay bored.
Tips for leaning into boredom
Start small. Grab a cup of tea and put your phone on airplane mode for 5 minutes. Stare into space. Do this every day for a week and see how you feel.
Set a timer to turn your phone off 30 minutes before bedtime every night for 7 days. Switch off the TV, and start winding down. See how you feel each morning, and after a week.
Go for a walk – minus your Airpods. Instead, look at your surroundings. Take note of what you see.
Go for a drive… and ditch the podcast. Listen to music if that helps.
Fold laundry (again, minus the podcast).
If you have other ideas for leaning into boredom, I’d love to hear them. Click on the link below to drop me a line.
Love,
Tamsin xo
Are you struggling with overwhelm and a need to ‘do’ constantly? Are you a perpetual overachiever? I support others just like you in making space in their lives, so they can feel calm, centred and creative, at work and in life. Drop me a line if you’d like transformational coaching support, or book a free, 30-minute call. Book your call here.